Release

It's hard to let go.

Sometimes it's damn near impossible. But sometimes letting go is the only option.

When you're basically giving a person dominion over your life, body, and soul and not getting what you put into the relationship it's time to let go. When all you've ever done was everything you could to show this person you love them and they still don't value your efforts, it's time to let go.

Sometimes this is easier said than done.

Goddess knows I've tried to let go of the person who held my heart many times but still Fate always brought us back together. Instead of letting go I kept it going, hoping, waiting patiently that some day she'd see reason. When I saw the chance to have her I shoot my shot and we were happy. But I knew I couldn't keep living a lie. I knew I was wrong.

So painfully, I let go.

I left the woman I've loved and longed for. It has been the most hurt I've ever felt. I feel as tho part of me is missing. When you love someone for so long you tend to become one, and now I'm half.

Sixteen years. Sixteen hard, wonderful, loving, crazy, magickal years. I was still a kid when I fell in love with her. As a young adult I coveted her. As a man, I made her mine and made her lose her senses. But now, although I'll always have love in my heart for her, I've let go.

I've bled for this woman. I've drunk her blood. I've spoiled this woman with gifts and attention and time. I've spent money on her beautiful children. I've tried to give her everything I could. I had our dream home built for this woman, all so she could see I wasn't playing when I said "I Love You". I've left our home to her and her family, left my land I've paid for, my lovely forest I was so fond of and glad to have. Left almost everything behind so she wouldn't have to buy anything. I've made sure she will have money when she needs it. All in the name of love. All bcuz I loved this woman.

But it's time I let go.

It's been hard and I didn't think I'd be able to do it but I did.

I've also let certain people who held a special place in my world go as well. This year, I've lost more friends/lovers/people and we're still in January. But that's okay. I have to let these people go. I had to release them, break the bonds that held us together, not just for my own good, but for theirs as well.

I know it hurts bcuz I'm hurting. But they'll thank me some day, for real. They'll thank me for releasing them and not having to deal with me. They'll be able to be happy with their lives. Date. Have fun. Meet the man of their dreams. They'll be able to awake in the morning without me on their minds or my marks upon their bodies.

I believe that releasing and letting go has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But hopefully I can find my happiness as well.

Be good to yourselves.