Sex Addiction: Fact or Fiction?

When we hear the term "addiction" the first thing that pops up into mind is drug addiction or alcohol addiction. Addiction is the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity. What if you're addicted to a person?

I dealt with sex addiction for many years. I was exposed to the tumultuous world of sex in my early teens, my teacher having been a woman well over forty. I was molded; trained for her pleasure. My experience as her sex boy toy lasted for a little over two years, & after it ended, I was ruined for girls my age. I'd grown to desire older women, & this led to over indulgence.

I was still a young teenage boy after all, but what knowledge I'd gained. My experience with my older suitor left me messed up emotionally & mentally. It was as if I could never get enough.

I happened to meet whom I like to credit with being the love of my life during this time. She was ten years older than me but I fell in love with her. Our relationship wasn't like that of my older suitor; this one was real. We cared for each other deeply, but at the time my age must have been a problem, that plus the fact that my girl was destined for another path.

I was devastated when she said goodbye, falling into a bottomless pit of despair & self consciousness. Why wasn't I good enough for her? I'd stare at my reflection & ask myself this question many a moon.

When I finally tried moving on, I found myself going from older woman to woman, all of them pleasing in some way but none of them were her. I'd have sex with these women & do such things to them; my actions were mistaken for love. Many hearts were left heavy, as was mine, because deep inside I longed for the one woman who made me feel whole...the one woman who never took advantage of me. I say this because most of the women I dealt with, after finding out about a certain physical affliction I have😏, only wanted to sleep with me to see if it were true for themselves. They didn't want Damien; they wanted Damien's L.D.

I made a gift of my penis to many of these women, giving them passion, giving them everything they could ask for sexually, but I was never really there; I wasn't truly myself. I let what I knew from the past consume me, engaging in such risque erotic sexual maneuvers that it was only natural that some began to develop feelings for me...quite a few did. I couldn't be what they wanted me to be.

Being this way is hard to explain when meeting someone new. Try as I may to change, I still found myself in countless situations where I let my other head make decisions for me simply because my mind was always on her, the one who got away. I kept telling myself that if I couldn't have her, couldn't be with her then I'd look to fulfill my need elsewhere, but this turned me into a beast.

Now in my thirties, I can say my addiction to sex was a cry for help. I put myself thru so much unnecessary bullshit by being this sexual deviant. Nothing I did, no one I did for that matter helped eased the pain of a broken heart. I used my addiction as a crutch, desperately trying to find some kind of pleasure for myself in the pleasure I was bringing. Nothing was enough. I was sick. This is a sickness.

Amazingly, these days I try to be a decent man. The love of a good woman can cure all that ails💯. Although the urge to be naughty is there sometimes, I look around me & count my blessings. I know I've hurt many undeserving women with my over indulgence & this fact shall always sit heavy upon my heart. It was never anything about them that drove me to my actions; when you're so deeply in love with someone u can't have that can make u do strange things. I'm dealing with my sickness the best way I can, one day at a time.