ευτυχισμένο το νέο έτος

Or Happy New Year🎆🎇🧨✨🎉🎊

I hope I am reaching u all in the best of health & spirit.

I myself have not been, but I'm grateful to say I've been strong enough to fight thru all of the battles I've been facing lately.

I suffer from mental illness, as well as sex addiction, stress, anxiety, & depression. I smoke ridiculous amounts of marijuana just to cope daily. I do cocaine. I find comfort in sex. As a writer, I suffer from writer's block. As a musician, I suffer from bouts of uncreativity. As a witch, I go thru unseen perils. As a lover I become bonded & attached to people, & I love fiercely & hard. I worry about everyone I love, & as an Empath I feel everything they feel...every bloodclot thing. There are times when I don't know whether I'm going or coming.

Lately I've been finding peace in fishing🎣. Thank Goddess we live in Louisiana; there's plenty of fishing due to our humid temperatures, even in winter. I love spending time with my beloved Sun💗 Having Daenarick in my life has been very therapeutic for me. We hop in Lucille & hit the road to either Lake Martin, or Henderson, even Grand Chenier. It's so peaceful & serene to just cast your line out into the water & let go & let Goddess...

That's how my life feels...like I'm casting out into the unknown, never knowing what the day will give me, never knowing what slap in the face I will get.

But it's good to be near the water. As a Fire sign, it seems to take over, extinguishing my pain, my bearings...I mellow out & have time to think clearly. My sun & I are on one of these road trips as I speak. I had to get away from my house bcuz the woman I've coveted most of my life is now living there with us along with her husband & their kids due to a tragic house fire right before Christmas. That was extremely heartbreaking: I felt terrible for those kids. But thank Goddess I have a true Sun🟡 Daenarick took the money he'd been saving from our gigs & put together with me not only to buy the kids Christmas presents but we also bought the whole family what they needed. What 16 year old boy does that? My sun💯

It hurt my heart to see the woman I love in so much despair. She seems to be completely broken. It messes with my mind bcuz I feel my curse has descended upon her, bcuz of her love for me. She feels she has been punished; tell me it's not bcuz of me.

Things have a way of going crazy for me back to back. Like I don't have time to breathe or recover before some more bullshit happens. My son's mother has really shown her ass lately & I'm not here for her shit. She on some for real bullshit right now, trying to use our sun as a pawn for dick. Yep. I said what the fuck I said💯💯💯

As I sit back or stand over looking the water, my mind travels almost as much as I astral travel. I think of all of the women I've dealt with in some sort of way; Semaj, Yrishia, MaryJane, Jey, Debrina, Cotton, Nikkah, Arlette, Marie, H'Aime', & little Jewellita. All of these beautiful women love me in some kind of way. I have love for them too, for each one in my own ways. I've tried to express my love but like usual, I've been a goddamned crazy ass mystery to most of them. These women stay on my mind bcuz I know I've hurt all of them in some way, poisoned them if u will. I created bonds that have been hard to sever.

I can't seem to break the bond between me & Semaj, & now in her time of need I want her most...seeing her in such pain & agony makes me want to take her in my arms & hold her tight on sight. I don't mind her living with us...its her house any damn way. When I helped design it it was built in mind for our family. This one woman holds me captive with her love & honestly sometimes I don't want to be freed. I want her any way I can have her💯but then sometimes I get to feeling guilty bcuz her man is a real good guy. So there's always that fucking guilt that suffocates me.

But I love her. I can't let go. And it's driving me insane, literally. All I think about doing is taking her into my arms & making love to her the way I know she deserves & maybe take away some of the tragedy. Give her something good to feel.

When my sun & I go on our fishing trips we always bring Mrs. Mary & Lazarus along. We sit under the trees when we can so we can feel more connected to Mother Nature. But whenever it isn't possible, we sit in or on Lucille & just strum our hearts out. My sun is getting pretty good, I'm a proud dad. I couldn't ask for a better kid. He is golden💛. He listens. He has patience & a wonderful mind & heart. I look into his eyes & I see mine tho.

I'm hoping that this upcoming year will be the year for many of us who could use a break💯 I for one hope that I can manage my mental health, for I feel as if I'm going to spontaneously combust. I try to stay with a smile but I have to hide my tears. I talk to my sun about my feelings, also Semaj & I have had heart to hearts. They want me better. I want me better.

To all out there, please cherish every moment u get to spend with your loved ones into this new coming year. I send u all love❤